Pass Me the Luger
By Tom Bedell
It wasn’t a good way to start the season, taking a ten on a short par-4, an eight on a par-5, and a triple on a par-3. Notching four pars in the next five holes couldn’t really mitigate the damage.
But at least I was out in the brisk fresh air with three-quarters of the MOTO Research Team, and we were, aside from our diligent investigative work, having fun as usual.
We played at Bretwood (see post below), and the course was pretty much as Fish described it in his April 13 post—a few mounds of snow floating like icebergs on the fairways, or nestled in the bunkers, but plenty of room to play.
I managed the ten on the first hole in crisp fashion: a drive way right, a hybrid right into a raging brook, another into a greenside bunker, four shots pounding sand, two putts, ten.
I called my fine bunker work a “double Fuehrer,” alluding to the golf terms that have been going around in e-mails everywhere, the “Adolph Hitler” referring to two shots in the bunker.
I have no idea as to the origin of the terms, many refreshingly tasteless, but if already well-traveled, they’re worth repeating here as a new season begins. From the looks of things, we may all need some laughs:
A Paris Hilton - one expensive hole
A Salman Rushdie - an impossible read
A Rock Hudson - looked straight, but wasn’t
A Cuban - needed one more revolution
An Elton John - a big bender that lips the rim
An Adolf Hitler - two shots in the bunker
A Saddam Hussein - from one bunker straight into another
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
A Kate Winslett - a little bit fat, but otherwise perfect
A Glenn Miller - didn’t make it over the water
A Rodney King - over-clubbed
An O.J. Simpson - got away with it
A Princess Grace - should have taken a driver
A Princess Di - shouldn’t have taken a driver
A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
A Ladyboy - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
A condom - safe but didn’t feel real good
A circus tent - a big top
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Brazilian - shaves both sides of the hole
A Jeb Bush - too far to the right and out of play
